Procrustes and his mythical bed claimed the lives of the wayward travelers who didn’t perfectly fit. As time goes on, global catastrophes offer us an enormous sampler plate of horrors that becomes the sole domain of nightmares for us average Earthlings. This activates an impulse to protect ourselves and relieves a torrent of social media posts with peculiar recommendations on how to do so: during an earthquake, shield your head with your elbow; during a bombing, lay in the bathtub; in the event of a water landing, hug your knees. All these elements of modern safety choreography have become as entrenched as the genetic mutations that program our every move.